Baby steps

First and foremost, I want to thank everyone for their kind words, thoughts, and prayers. There is no easy way to get through the death of a parent, but being part of “The Adams Family” certainly added to the entertainment value of the whole situation.

My dad was a big clown, being serious was not his forte’. He was a country boy through and through and I don’t think he ever met a man he didn’t like. Likewise, nobody who ever met him could resist falling in love with him. He lived in Kansas his entire life, and therefore most of his friendships were longstanding ones. His two best friends were boys he’d run around with since junior high school. I simply cannot fathom a friendship spanning some 60 years.

Like I said, he was a country boy, and as such, in his younger days was an avid hunter and fisherman. He also collected anything and everything that had to do with nature, such as rocks, bones, antlers, driftwood, barn wood, and actually any stick, twig, or log he thought was cool looking. He was always very proud to show these treasures to me because he knew I was just like him in this respect, and many of his treasures would come home with me. I can’t tell you how thrilled my husband was when he was moving me into his house and discovered boxes and boxes of rocks, antlers, and birds nests. I just couldn’t seem to get him to understand the value of the boxes of rocks (that took two people to carry) and it finally just came down to this; if you want me, the rocks come too.

Hello. I’m Moogirl, and I’m a redneck.

Anyway, after the funeral, the sister and I went to my uncle’s farm in Cherryvale, Ks (try finding THAT on a map, I dare you), which was the perfect place to be. It was my dads’ favorite place on the planet to be and it holds some of the best childhood memories I have. If anyone ever wanted to see why my dad was the way he was, they’d need look no further than the farm people. My uncle has four boys my age and older who also own farms nearby. I’m not sure who gets a bigger kick out of each other, them or us. We got to spend two days of laughter, old pictures, and even older stories.

There was still several inches of ice on the ground in Cherryvale, which only added to the excitement of cow feeding time. You just haven’t lived until you slipped on a frozen cow pie. I dare say that watching the cows try to ice skate to the troughs was the most entertainment I’ve had in a while.

I need to get out more.

For some unexplained reason, it was more important than life itself for me to get a picture of the cows all lined up at the trough...from behind. I just didn’t think I would be able to leave if I wasn’t able to get a picture of a long line of cow butts. I still can’t figure that one out, but it was just insanely important to me. So there I was, in 40 below temperatures (not really, but it was in the teens), with my $3,000 camera, trying to dodge ice, frozen cow patties, NON-frozen cow patties, and very non-trusting cows, trying to get the perfect shot of cow butts.

You just have no idea how uncooperative cows can be, and I wondered if Ansel Adams ever had problems like this. But I got the shots I wanted and it only cost me a pair of tennis shoes and a little dignity. (Blogger isn’t letting me post any pictures for some reason, or it would be wall-to-wall cow butts up in here. Perhaps this is a good thing.)

So now all that’s left is the icky part of returning to the real world. But I’m ok, just kind of wandering around the house not quite knowing what to do with myself. I will try to get back to the business of solving the world’s problems just as soon as the apathy wears off.

I have one piece of advice though. If your father is still living, and you have a good relationship, spend as much time as possible with him. If he is still living and you do not have a good relationship, please, please try to forgive, understand and make amends. If making amends is not possible, then at the very least, try to forgive, in your own heart, and let it go. When the time comes, you will be so grateful that you did.

Please forgive my absence, but my father has past away. I will be out of town until Sunday night.

This really sucks…

Swing low...

Dutch gym to introduce 'Naked Sunday'

AMSTERDAM, Netherlands - Self-conscious about what you wear while working out? A Dutch gym plans to introduce "Naked Sunday" for people who like to huff and puff in the buff.

Patrick de Man, owner of Fitworld gym in the town of Heteren, said he got the idea in part from two of his customers who are avid nudists.

He said the response had been overwhelming — positive and negative.

The 70,000-member Dutch Federation of Naturists was curious to see if Fitworld's plan would work, spokesman Bernd Huiser said.

"We recently conducted a large survey among our members, and most prefer to exercise with their clothes on," he said. "The most popular activities (for nudists) are things you do outdoors, like walking on the beach, or swimming in a lake, or maybe gardening."

De Man said the first question Fitworld customers were asking was whether it would be sanitary.

Nude exercisers would be required to put towels down on weight machines and to use disposable seat covers while riding bikes. All machines would be cleaned and disinfected afterward. "We clean them every day anyway," he said.

The first "Naked Sunday" is scheduled for March 4.


Ok, all together now: “eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwww!”

Now that we’ve gotten that out of our system, I see so many problems with this idea, I just don’t know where to start.

1. First and foremost, there’s a reason most people go to the gym. They go to lose weight or to tone up. ‘Nuff said.

2. Bicycles? Men, if you’re going commando on a bicycle, um….ok I just can’t go there.

3. Treadmills: I was thinking about them when I came up with the title of this post.

In fact, I can’t think of many pieces of gym equipment that wouldn’t be a potential neuterer for men.

I’ve pondered this idea for far too long now, and I’m pretty sure it would look something like this:

Good to know

Dr. Phil Predicts Early Spring

PUNXSUTAWNEY, Pa. - A new pair of hands pulled Dr. Phil from his stump this year, so it was only fitting that the talk show host offered a new prediction.

Dr. Phil did not see his shadow on Friday, which, according to German folklore, means folks can expect an early spring instead of six more weeks of winter.

Since 1886, Dr. Phil has seen his shadow 96 times, hasn't seen it 15 times and there are no records for nine years, according to the Punxsutawney Obnoxious Talk Show Host Club. The last time Phil failed to see his shadow was in 1999.

More than 15,000 revelers milled about in a misty snow waiting for the prediction, as fireworks exploded overhead and the "Pennsylvania Polka" and other music blared in the background.

"It's a lot of work, but it's exciting to know you're a part of one of the most phenomenal parts of American folklore," Hughes said.

Each Feb. 2, thousands of people descend on Punxsutawney, a town of 6,100 people about 65 miles northeast of Pittsburgh, to celebrate what had essentially been a German superstition.

The Germans believed that if a bloviating, pompous, ass casts a shadow Feb. 2 - the Christian holiday of Candlemas - winter would last another six weeks. If no shadow was seen, legend said spring would come early.


Cool, because after Wednesday's snow, this is what I look like when I go out to get the mail.


Ok not really. I try not to lick my nose in public.

But I’m still sick of it...


Read on...

Jon Stewart Tries to Relate to Cheney

As only Jon can...

Wow, way to miss the whole point, dudes

Church's 'Jesus loves Osama' sign criticised

The Australian prime minister has criticised a Sydney baptist church for erecting a sign declaring that "Jesus Loves Osama".

The slogan, a reference to Osama bin Laden, the al-Qa'eda leader, has provoked a storm of controversy across the country despite its apparently Christian message of forgiveness.

Small print at the bottom of the sign urges churchgoers to "Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you", a quotation from Matthew 5:44.

But John Howard, the prime minister, said that the church should have chosen a less offensive way of spreading its message.

"I understand the Christian motivation of the Baptist church," he said.

"But I hope they will understand that a lot of Australians, including many Australian Christians, will think that the prayer priority of the church on this occasion could have been elsewhere."

Peter Jensen, the Anglican archbishop of Sydney, said that the sign - which has been put up outside several churches in the city - was confusing and potentially offensive.

"There is a truth in it," he said. "But, "what we've got to say is, 'Jesus doesn't approve of Osama.' It makes it sounds like, 'Oh, Osama's doing the right thing'."

A spokesman for the Central Baptist Church told the Australian Daily Telegraph that it was merely "sharing the gospel".

He said: "Osama is the head of terrorism. We are saying that Jesus Christ loves everyone in the world, even this man. ... All we are doing is sharing the gospel."


So the Prime Minister said, “…that the prayer priority of the church on this occasion could have been elsewhere.” Ok, he’s a politician, so he’s expected to say stupid things. I mean, who better to pray for than the planet’s most wanted criminal?

But the “Anglican archbishop of Sydney” (whatever that is, I’m assuming it’s Catholic) said, “…that the sign was confusing and potentially offensive” and that, “There is a truth in it, but what we've got to say is, 'Jesus doesn't approve of Osama.' It makes it sounds like, 'Oh, Osama's doing the right thing'."

ONLY IF YOU’RE AN IDIOT! I’m sorry, but shouldn’t he know better?

First of all, there isn’t “a truth in it”, it IS the truth. I love how certain “religious” people pick and choose the parts of the Bible they want to believe and abide by. How can he say “there is a truth in it”? We ARE supposed to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us, and Jesus DOES love Osama, same as he loved Stalin, Mussolini, Hitler, Custer, Saddam, and George W. Bush. That is not to say Jesus ever approved of anything they did.

Unfortunately, nowhere in the Bible does it say we get to choose which of our enemies we’re suppose to pray for. I can’t believe someone who considers himself a religious leader would say something so asinine.

But then again, I’m not so sure a Catholic leader is someone we’d want to hold up as an authority on Jesus anyway. Still, he should know better.

Like it or not, believe it or not, it’s still the truth. And it is the Gospel. And good for the Baptists in Australia. The American Baptists could learn a little something from their example. But that would mean actually having the strength of your convictions...

Father recovering from being strangled with stethoscope...

Big baby causes sensation in Cancun

CANCUN, Mexico - He is called "Super Tonio," and at a whopping birth weight of 14.5 pounds, the little fellow is causing a sensation in this Mexican resort city.

Cancun residents have crowded the nursery ward's window to see Antonio Vasconcelos, who was born early Monday by Caesarean section. The baby drinks 5 ounces of milk every three hours, and measures 22 inches in length.

Antonio's mother, Teresa Alejandra Cruz, 23, and father, Luis Vasconcelos, 38, said they were proud of the boy, and noted that Cruz had given birth to a baby girl seven years ago who weighed 11.46 pounds.


What the news fails to mention is that moments after this photo was taken, Jumbo ate his bedmate...

Read on

Does this net make me look fat?

What all the best dressed deer are wearing this year

This is the staggering sight of a buck mule deer who has got his antlers in a twist.

The impressive creature took it all in his stride after getting caught up in a bright purple volleyball net.

He is so taken with the unusual headgear a Colorado Division Wildlife officer decided to leave it on until his antlers naturally shed in February.

In the meantime, wardens in Durango are keeping a close eye on him to make sure he doesn't get himself in a knot.

And all the other mule deer, used to laugh and call him names...