Tuesday, January 02, 2007

But will ewe love me tomorrow?


Science told: hands off gay sheep

(insert you own jokes along the way)


Scientists are conducting experiments to change the sexuality of “gay” sheep in a programme that critics fear could pave the way for breeding out homosexuality in humans.

The technique being developed by American researchers adjusts the hormonal balance in the brains of homosexual rams so that they are more inclined to mate with ewes.

It raises the prospect that pregnant women could one day be offered a treatment to reduce or eliminate the chance that their offspring will be homosexual. Experts say that, in theory, the “straightening” procedure on humans could be as simple as a hormone supplement for mothers-to-be, worn on the skin like an anti-smoking nicotine patch.

The research, at Oregon State University in the city of Corvallis and at the Oregon Health and Science University in Portland, has caused an outcry. Martina Navratilova, the lesbian tennis player who won Wimbledon nine times, and scientists and gay rights campaigners in Britain have called for the project to be abandoned.

Navratilova defended the “right” of sheep to be gay. She said: “How can it be that in the year 2006 a major university would host such homophobic and cruel experiments?” She said gay men and lesbians would be “deeply offended” by the social implications of the tests.


All right, I just have to interrupt here. Now, while I’m sure being an ex-lesbian tennis star (ex tennis star, not ex lesbian) makes you an expert on tennis, and it probably makes you an expert on being a lesbian, I’m not so sure it makes you an expert on gay sheep and their constitutional rights.

I haven’t read the constitution in a while, but I don’t remember the part that gives farm animals the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

But the researchers argue that the work is valid, shedding light on the “broad question” of what determines sexual orientation. They insist the work is not aimed at “curing” homosexuality.

Approximately one ram in 10 prefers to mount other rams rather than mate with ewes, reducing its value to a farmer. Initially, the publicly funded project aimed to improve the productivity of herds.


















Maybe all the ewes were two-baaagers...

By varying the hormone levels, mainly by injecting hormones into the brain, they have had “considerable success” in altering the rams’ sexuality, with some previously gay animals becoming attracted to ewes.

As this article continues, it just sinks into the bowels of silliness. On page 2, they bring Hitler into the controversy, and some professor from Glasgow actually utters the sentence; “Imagine this technology in the hands of Iran.”

That’s where my head exploded and I started screaming “THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS GAY SHEEP!” Just stupid scientists.

There are all kinds of instances in the animal kingdom where male animals mount other males. Monkeys do it all the time in adolescence. They’re not actually trying to have sex with them; it’s more of a social, teenage thing.

In other species, it’s always going to be a dominance thing. It’s the alpha whatever’s way of saying, “See, I can make you my bitch, I can dominate you. Now respect me.”

Hey, it works in prison.

There’s just no such thing as a “gay” animal.

Poodles and Richard Simmons don’t count...

Read on

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Begs the question...
did man create god ---or--- did god create man?

Whichever, not a very good use of tax dollars since we're wasting most of it on foreign misadventures.

sage said...

This is great.

I think PETA should weigh in on this subject in favor of the research. After all, to a sheepherder, a gay ewe is mutton and a gay ram is dog food!

Kansas said...

Actually, PETA did weigh in (of course, when don't they?). They condemned the study as “a needless slaughter of animals, an affront to human dignity and a colossal waste of precious research funds”.

Well two out of three ain't bad, I'm pretty sure my dignity hasn't been affronted.

Karen said...

The right of sheep to be gay. One of the funniest damned concepts I've heard in a long time.

Kansas said...

Cait, haven't you ever heard of the Bill of Sheep Rights?

Good grief girl, open a book!

Jim Newman said...

In regards to the Sunday Times article which is the source of these wild conspiracy theories, I am pleased that a writer has thoroughly investigated the article. As he reports, the Sunday Times article is filled with major errors and false claims. His analysis also raises important questions about the timing of the article which comes almost five years after the research was actually conducted.

Here’s a link to that analysis that anyone who is interested in this topic should read:

A wolf in gay sheep's clothing: Corruption at the London Times
http://www.dailykos.com/story/2007/1/4/134158/4348

Kansas said...

OMG, I’ve been had…and by PETA no less! I’m sure the Times has some ‘splainin to do. Thanks for the heads-up, Jim. I’m an animal lover and all, but PETA just makes me want to get a flame-thrower.

My whole point for posting this story was how ridiculous it was in the first place. Gay sheep….give me a break. And now some scientist guy was actually trying to un-gay something that can’t be gay in the first place. Give me strength…

I’m glad to see that this was a ruse by PETA and that this utter nonsense isn’t going on. I’ll do an update asasp.

Thanks for the link.

Anonymous said...

Hi ;)
oh... what crazy comments!
what do you suppose about it?